Alot of things happened this last year .. And the years before .. But specifically after that major step back I had there was this huge part of me that pushed me to survive .. Made me look at the good things that is happening .. And just ignoring anything bad .. The thing is .. It does not get ignored .. My brain just put it a side in an empty dror .. Just one by one its now becoming this huge bile of shitty emotions that I don't even know what it's about .. And it is becoming really heavy and now its actually dragging me down .. I see my life and the color of everything is just Grey .. There is no color or taste .. There is no special smell to anything .. Everything just smells the same and tastes the same .. Life has been kind to me lately it made me feel that it doesn't have to be this hard all the time .. Sometimes it gets easy .. Just alittle bit .. I forgot how to cry .. I was so strong and fought for a very long time with way beyond my maximum potential to survive .. And. I finally made it to a good point .. An actual progress.. Still struggling .. In many other aspects ..
