extremely conflicted ... by everything that i knew today .. and i knew alot of things that will determine the next phase of my life ..
i got this opportunity of a job somewhere far away from home . at this point of my life after i finished collage the only thing i'm expected to do is to be married with a kid or two one my arm and the other holding my hand , so when i apply for a job it will be near my home , but now that i'm without a husband i get to go away , the conflict here is .. it was a little farther than i expected , but its cool by me .. not cool with my parents , and they feel like they've done something wrong , what should they do , it's like they raised you in a cage and waiting for the next cage to lock you in , so you will be safe from any ... LIVING ..... i want to go there , and just have this new experience, live on my own for a while, even for a couple of months , to have these days for myself , so what !!
then ... of course , someone wants to marry me , and THEY want me to meet him , i felt so upset and so stressed by the whole thing , the fact that i hate being presented on a way like a main dish or a dress in a shop or something , i just wanted to finish this phase but they keep feeling that this is the answer, when its not my answer , maybe it worked out for alot of people , but not me , i have no interest in spending my life with someone i met like this , i don't want to just get married , i want to marry my soul mate whom i already found , and i still want this , it's not fair for anyone i meet because my heart is taken , i was thinking that i'm wasting my own life trying to chase a dream , that could be a phantom or could be the youth fountain , i want to fulfill my destiny , to seek all my true callings , to find greatness in everything i ever dreamed about , or even watch my children do it , with him , when i start to expand all my horizons and just let go of all boundaries , and actually see where i want to be , i see myself in a talk show discussing my new amazing book about my thoughts and believes .... while he is holding my hand just supporting every step i make , or giving a seminar on positive thinking and believing in the dreams and the power of light , and how light is God . and how god's well is infinite , and how my soul mate gave me that light , with him by my side , this is the one i want to complete my journey .. and i just choose what i want to do , and what road i will go in , and they don't and won't understand , so i'll just leave this all to God to help me reach what i choose to do in my life , after knowing that is is good for me and good for us , after all the signs after all the talks , i have with God , that God wants me to believe in myself , through my believe in him , when i do that i will know exactly what to do , i'll know what to choose , people live their entire life... feeling unworthy of their own dream .... i thank you God everyday for giving me the light to see that i get to choose what to dream and with your blessing i get to have it , it may not be easy , but the harder it is to reach the more sweet it will be when i get it . we choose to do good , we own the whole world in our hands .
i got this opportunity of a job somewhere far away from home . at this point of my life after i finished collage the only thing i'm expected to do is to be married with a kid or two one my arm and the other holding my hand , so when i apply for a job it will be near my home , but now that i'm without a husband i get to go away , the conflict here is .. it was a little farther than i expected , but its cool by me .. not cool with my parents , and they feel like they've done something wrong , what should they do , it's like they raised you in a cage and waiting for the next cage to lock you in , so you will be safe from any ... LIVING ..... i want to go there , and just have this new experience, live on my own for a while, even for a couple of months , to have these days for myself , so what !!
then ... of course , someone wants to marry me , and THEY want me to meet him , i felt so upset and so stressed by the whole thing , the fact that i hate being presented on a way like a main dish or a dress in a shop or something , i just wanted to finish this phase but they keep feeling that this is the answer, when its not my answer , maybe it worked out for alot of people , but not me , i have no interest in spending my life with someone i met like this , i don't want to just get married , i want to marry my soul mate whom i already found , and i still want this , it's not fair for anyone i meet because my heart is taken , i was thinking that i'm wasting my own life trying to chase a dream , that could be a phantom or could be the youth fountain , i want to fulfill my destiny , to seek all my true callings , to find greatness in everything i ever dreamed about , or even watch my children do it , with him , when i start to expand all my horizons and just let go of all boundaries , and actually see where i want to be , i see myself in a talk show discussing my new amazing book about my thoughts and believes .... while he is holding my hand just supporting every step i make , or giving a seminar on positive thinking and believing in the dreams and the power of light , and how light is God . and how god's well is infinite , and how my soul mate gave me that light , with him by my side , this is the one i want to complete my journey .. and i just choose what i want to do , and what road i will go in , and they don't and won't understand , so i'll just leave this all to God to help me reach what i choose to do in my life , after knowing that is is good for me and good for us , after all the signs after all the talks , i have with God , that God wants me to believe in myself , through my believe in him , when i do that i will know exactly what to do , i'll know what to choose , people live their entire life... feeling unworthy of their own dream .... i thank you God everyday for giving me the light to see that i get to choose what to dream and with your blessing i get to have it , it may not be easy , but the harder it is to reach the more sweet it will be when i get it . we choose to do good , we own the whole world in our hands .
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