can't sleep ... specially in days when i need to wake up early .. and tomorrow is going to be a very long day .. and i need my sleep ... my heart and mind are so occupied ... i have this bad feeling in my heart .. i feel so nervous all the time .. i broke a long period of being calm and quite about almost every thing that is going on in my life .. and just got mad at the world ... i got mad at this little kid that was torturing me to just keep his mouth open to finish my job. .. as i'm a dentist .. i just yelled in a tone of voice i rarely ever hear myself use .. even when i yelled he didn't stop wining ... the day was actually too much for me to handle .. i'm trying to forgive myself for that day .. since that day i get really angry at everything ... like testing a new level of power .. but i hate it .. power is not my thing .. nor yelling .. i'm unfocused unbalanced .. just confused .. scared.. it's feeling you again .. it's giving me this new level of awareness ..
am I jealous now ?? or do i feel threatened by her? i'm still scared to fully trust you .. my old insecurities is getting me again .. i'm scared i might loose you .. to her .. because you like her .. but you came to me .. i'm terrified right now .. what if she got you ... OMG more hurt.. more pain .. alot of girls hover around you .. trying to hunt you down ... this time i got to see it with my own eyes ... so what !! guys hover around me too.. and i know what i want and i just push them away .. right now it's not really me i think that i will be got my some guy .. it's him this time .. it bothers me that he thinks she is great when she is not even a good friend .. which has given me alot of reasons to hate myself ... but i forgave here because i'm just better than all this .. i didn't let her in my life deep enough thank God .. because i always open up fast to people and end up getting hurt .. all this past year i'm being carefull .. i watch the signs carefully in everything ... i would rather be with the right love and a good friend than being with any love and any friend .. appearance and being in the popular group .. been there .. with all it's pressure .. survived that thanks god .. don't want it ever again .. a close group of good friends.. is better than a punch of bad ones..
right now at this very moment ... i miss you .. i miss calling you in days like this and just make you go crazy trying to figure out my thoughts ... i'm threatened by her still.. you are so close to me ..no matter how far ... i lost the trust i had in you today ... i wish i could bring it back ... i'm trying so hard to do it ... so after i just keep talking about anything and everything that may or may not cross my mind ... "miss you like hell" i will try to put my feelings in one line .. which is... i'm jealous because you gave her some attention that was noticeable .. and i feel threatened by her because she is not easy and she is trying to get you and will keep trying ... and i'm scared she succeed in what i failed to do .. which is to make you her own ... its a shame really when you are my soul mate .. and i have a love for you that could cure an entire human race of broken hearts ... and i still can't call you mine ... and yes .. i blame you for it ,,, and yes i'm mad at you ... ever since i yelled at that kid i wanted to yell at you too .... just yell ... or maybe just cry in your arms ... these days are just so hard ... i'll get by ... it's fine ...
my mom said this amazing thing that will help me get some sleep now is ... when you love some one ... you just love them because you love them ... and everything else comes after that ... so even if any other girl has strong qualities , it doesn't matter ... because he doesn't love her ... i suppose after a very long year that you should start to believe that he loves you stupid ... so it doesn't matter what she does .... go to sleep... nighty baby ....
am I jealous now ?? or do i feel threatened by her? i'm still scared to fully trust you .. my old insecurities is getting me again .. i'm scared i might loose you .. to her .. because you like her .. but you came to me .. i'm terrified right now .. what if she got you ... OMG more hurt.. more pain .. alot of girls hover around you .. trying to hunt you down ... this time i got to see it with my own eyes ... so what !! guys hover around me too.. and i know what i want and i just push them away .. right now it's not really me i think that i will be got my some guy .. it's him this time .. it bothers me that he thinks she is great when she is not even a good friend .. which has given me alot of reasons to hate myself ... but i forgave here because i'm just better than all this .. i didn't let her in my life deep enough thank God .. because i always open up fast to people and end up getting hurt .. all this past year i'm being carefull .. i watch the signs carefully in everything ... i would rather be with the right love and a good friend than being with any love and any friend .. appearance and being in the popular group .. been there .. with all it's pressure .. survived that thanks god .. don't want it ever again .. a close group of good friends.. is better than a punch of bad ones..
right now at this very moment ... i miss you .. i miss calling you in days like this and just make you go crazy trying to figure out my thoughts ... i'm threatened by her still.. you are so close to me ..no matter how far ... i lost the trust i had in you today ... i wish i could bring it back ... i'm trying so hard to do it ... so after i just keep talking about anything and everything that may or may not cross my mind ... "miss you like hell" i will try to put my feelings in one line .. which is... i'm jealous because you gave her some attention that was noticeable .. and i feel threatened by her because she is not easy and she is trying to get you and will keep trying ... and i'm scared she succeed in what i failed to do .. which is to make you her own ... its a shame really when you are my soul mate .. and i have a love for you that could cure an entire human race of broken hearts ... and i still can't call you mine ... and yes .. i blame you for it ,,, and yes i'm mad at you ... ever since i yelled at that kid i wanted to yell at you too .... just yell ... or maybe just cry in your arms ... these days are just so hard ... i'll get by ... it's fine ...
my mom said this amazing thing that will help me get some sleep now is ... when you love some one ... you just love them because you love them ... and everything else comes after that ... so even if any other girl has strong qualities , it doesn't matter ... because he doesn't love her ... i suppose after a very long year that you should start to believe that he loves you stupid ... so it doesn't matter what she does .... go to sleep... nighty baby ....
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